Love, they say, is priceless. But for those with deep pockets, the matchmaking expertise of Barbie Adler comes at a steep price. As the founder of Selective Search, an exclusive matchmaking company, Adler claims that 1 in 3 of her clients fall head over heels for the first person they’re matched with. This remarkable success rate is a far cry from the struggles faced by most individuals navigating the world of dating apps. While Adler’s services can cost anywhere between $75,000 and $500,000 (and sometimes even more), high-net-worth individuals are willing to pay the price for love.

Adler’s team of matchmakers takes a unique and thorough approach to matchmaking. Rather than relying solely on algorithms or swiping left and right, her matchmakers conduct in-person interviews with clients, delving deep into their lives, desires, aversions, and romantic histories. Adler has identified 225 crucial indicators, including factors like family values, political beliefs, and religious preferences, all with the aim of determining lasting compatibility.

According to Adler, many of her clients seek her services because their “picker” is broken. They lack the necessary knowledge and skills to navigate the complex world of dating successfully. While this level of personalization may not be available to the masses, the wealthy consider it well worth the investment. After all, as Adler emphasizes, there is nothing more important than choosing the right life partner.

While Selective Search may cater to the affluent, Barbara Adler has insightful advice for people from all walks of life. Long before embarking on the search for love, Adler encourages individuals to take the time to reflect on their own personal growth and desires. “Silence your world, and put together a game plan,” she advises. This involves asking yourself two important questions: “Am I the partner I want to be for someone else?” and “What do I need to do to work on myself to attract the kind of person I’m looking for?”

Answering these questions may reveal areas in your life that require improvement. Perhaps you need to prioritize better self-care, engage in healthier lifestyle choices, or address long-standing emotional issues. By listening to the feedback from past partners or dates, one can identify patterns and areas for growth. It is crucial to approach these reflections with humility, as Adler stresses the importance of being open to change. “Someone who has worked on themselves is really attractive,” she adds.

After taking an inventory of oneself and making efforts to improve, Adler advises individuals to contemplate the kind of partner they desire. Creating a list of qualities, values, and physical traits helps to develop clarity. Reflecting on past relationships that did not work out can reveal patterns that need to be broken. Through this reflection, individuals can communicate their deal-breakers and must-have qualities to Adler’s matchmakers, who then work tirelessly to find compatible partners.

According to Adler, it is crucial not to compromise on the significant aspects that shape one’s life. Shared goals and values are fundamental to building a successful and lasting relationship. Whether it’s the desire to have children or the shared love for a particular lifestyle, settling for less can lead to regrets. As Adler warns, “Settling is the quickest way to have a divorce attorney in your phone.”

In a world dominated by online dating apps and endless swiping, Barbie Adler’s approach to matchmaking offers a refreshing perspective. While her services may be out of reach for most individuals, her advice on self-improvement and being clear about one’s desires resonates with us all. Finding love is not just a matter of luck, but an intentional journey of self-exploration and discovery. By reflecting on our own lives, focusing on personal growth, and defining what we truly want in a partner, we can increase our chances of finding that special someone who complements us in every way.


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